Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
