I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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