And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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