I've blown a few things in my day
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
