We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
