Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
