you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
