I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
