She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
