her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
