my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize