the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
