I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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