i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
