Will you blow on my dice?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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