that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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