M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
