I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
