Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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