hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
