Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
third nipple confirmed
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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