make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
