she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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