I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
