Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
