they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
