WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
