Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
