Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
