Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
