There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
And then he peed in my hair
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