need another drink. this is the easiest way
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
