A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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