Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize