Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
