careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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