i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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