Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
