It's Friday. Sex?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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