She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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