Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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