Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
