East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize