my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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