break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
