i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
