i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
