i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
