dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
