Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
me + whiskey = a bad person
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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