remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
