I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
