"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
