I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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