Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
