I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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