Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
