last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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