When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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