My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
