Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
