Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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