That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
