paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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