i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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