She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
