just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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