do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
