so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
