looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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